Words With Myself

The "What If" game, is a game most of us will be familiar with. I am sure we have all asked ourselves on many occasions "What if this doesn't turn out the way I want it to?". The problem with playing the what if game all the time, is our attachment to outcome and trying to submit life to our will. I propose we stop playing the what if game and instead play the "Let's see what happens" game instead.

With access to an abundance of information, it can be hard to feel like there is true value in our own knowledge. But the knowledge we have acquired through experimentation, play and exploration is the only thing we can know for sure is right for us. There is a time to learn from others and listen to the wisdom others have to offer, but one can never truly say that have learned until they have put it to practice and tested/applied it in their own life.

Sometimes we can feel really motivated to do things and other times it can be the last thing we want to do, even if it is something we know is the right/good/beneficial thing for us to do. Motivation much like happiness, is a temporary and fleeting feeling, sometimes we can be really motivated and other times we can have no motivation to do anything at all. The question remains, how can we do things we know we should be doing when we don't feel like doing it? My answer, do it anyway. Make it non-negotiable and remove the option or any escape routes. I cannot rely on motivation or feeling good in order to make the right choice, what I can rely on is my persistence and discipline that I am going to turn up regardless of how I feel because I know that it is good for me.

We can often get caught up in the trap of comparing ourselves to others, feeling like we are not enough. Whether it's they have more stuff, more money or more friends, there are an endless amount of ways we can make ourselves feel insignificant by comparing what we have against others. Instead we should be expressing gratitude for the incredible gifts we have and focusing on how we want to experience life instead of how we can feel more worthy of approval.

Attraction can be confused with passivity, idly sitting there waiting for things to happen instead of actually doing something about it but this is far from the case. When I set a goal, instead of desperately searching for ways to accomplish said goal and seeking a path, I observe and see which opportunities present themselves to me. When setting a goal, the universe will always accommodate by putting challenges and obstacles in your path that will help you to create what you want. These situations, tasks or challenges can be incredibly subtle, but once you stop seeking they will become very clear.  

We can attempt to transcend our own humanity and escape from what we feel at times, but in the end, the truth will always come to light. You are here for a human experience and your feelings are yours, no matter how well you ignore them. Embracing and loving yourself means all of you, not just the parts that you deem are good but instead the entirety of the whole experience.

Recently, I have been trying to part myself from a great love of mine, music. Not get rid of it entirely but try go throughout the day without have noise constantly persisting in my ear. I usually play music, a podcast or audio book all throughout the day and will have something to pair for each activity but I noticed that this was preventing me from accessing some feelings and thoughts I had when the music wasn't playing. In the void, in silence, I was able to feel my emotions much more deeply and even had ideas and thoughts flowing to me that usually I would have to meditate to experience.

In Spanish, the verb "experimentar" can mean both to experience and to experiment. I like to think this is a somewhat deliberate decision to symbolize that to experience ( that is, to live ) is to experiment, to try things out. As we get older, our freedom and willingness to experiment often drastically changes and we no longer feel safe or able to experiment. We believe that we should get things right and know better, robbing ourselves of the ability to learn. As soon as you stop experimenting, as soon as you stop willing to be wrong, you prevent yourself from being able to learn.     

Remember you will die. I have recently been sitting with my own impermanence, truly contemplating what it means to me to die one day. With that I realized a fundamental truth of existence, it has no meaning. Not in a nihilistic sense, but in that it has no intrinsic value only the value you assign it. You create the parameters of your own existence. Despite what society, family, or anyone else may tell you, this experience is yours to live under whatever meaning you wish to assign it. Life is not serious, it is but a temporary game you are choosing to play.

First of all, sorry for the wind on this one. I tried to remove the background noise but ended up doing more harm than good so I left it in, it only covers a small portion of the audio and it adds some ambiance anyway haha. Do you remember that vulnerable child you once were? Do you remember when it first learned it wasn't safe to be itself? That child still exists within you and without appropriate care and attention, the child will manifest itself in many ways you wish it wouldn't if you don't take care of it.